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Couples Seeking Solutions Blog
Couples Seeking Solutions Blog
|Posted on December 31, 2016 at 1:35 PM||comments ()|
Dr. Eva's Mission
Why does my practice exist: My mission is to help guide couples towards emotional attunement and repair; to help them heal, reconnect, and enhance their overall physical and emotional intimacy. My goal with every client is to normalize the human experience and to inspire increased personal and relational awareness. My vision is to be a change agent for a more emotionally aware and vulnerable community.
My cause: Many people struggle with emotional vulnerability and our relationships and society are suffering because of it. It blocks the human experience from being truly normalized in our communities and replaces it with superficial connections within ourselves and others, stacking the "perfect picture" expectation as our societal goal rather than authenticity.
This is counterproductive to human connection and love, both personally and relationally. There is a trend towards authenticity on the horizon and that agenda is very important to me. Increased emotional awareness, vulnerability, authenticity, and human normalization can serve as a tipping point towards healing and connection within ourselves and our relationships.
Like with anything, there are pros and cons to vulnerability and emotional safety is paramount, but in general its a movement towards more personal authenticity within our relationships and in our beloved communities.
Why: Building awareness and enhancing both personal and relational love as well as authenticity is my passion!
Join the movement towards a more authentic, vulnerable, and emotionally aware community!
|Posted on July 31, 2016 at 12:31 AM||comments ()|
"Self Love Boundaries"
We (human beings) live in a world where we spend most of our lives trying to get approval or acceptance from others. We are social beings, so it's normal. But many of us don't think about the relationship we have with ourselves; with our own self approval or what I like to call, "self love boundaries!"
We bend over backwards, often times sacrificing our boundaries and peace of mind to get someone to like us, to make someone proud, and often times we do it to feel needed or loved. This happens personally with our spouses, kids, extended family and friends, as well as professionally.
Many of my clients report emotional burn out in search of approval and most times don't really get the response they desire. The unfortunate part is that being a "yes gal or guy" is it not only causes emotional burnout it can also cause resentment over long periods of time. The reason for this is if your not respecting your "self love boundaries," you most likely will not be respected and often times feel taken for granted.
Feeling accepted or approved of has many faces; admiration, dependablity, feeling good enough, love etc. It can mean so many different things.
An important question to ask yourself is: What does it mean to you?
If your thinking, "I always say YES despite myself" than read on.
Learning how to answer the question "if I say yes in the name of being accepted or approved of, what will I be sacrificing for myself?"
Will you be sacrificing your life energy, peace of mind, self care, your boundaries ...? Or, all of the above and more?
Often times when my clients start practicing "self love boundaries" things start to turn around for them. They start to feel more life energy and they notice a new found respect level from those they are in relationship with; as they no longer feel taken for granted or under appreciated. What they realize is that not having their own self love boundaries says more about themselves than those they wanted to get approval from. Once they establish "self love boundaries" they report feeling more at peace, less self doubt, and more self assured.
Next time your about to sacrifice your "self love boundaries" for the sake of approval and or acceptance in whatever form it takes for you, be mindful of the question "what will I be giving up or sacrificing if I say yes?" If the answer is burnout, frustration, or resentment, than don't do it. I always suggest that my clients increase their vulnerability with loved ones, to let their families learn of their feelings and why it's important for them to have "self love boundaries." Most of the time, if the relationship is not toxic, your friends, family, and colleagues will understand and can even learn from you on how to set boundaries in their lives.
If you think you can say yes without sacrificing yourself, than go for it! Practice finding a balance and stay mindful of your "self love boundaries" and get busy putting them into action. You will feel so much better and most likely have flourishing personal and professional relationships without the onset of emotional burnout. Balance is possible!
|Posted on February 2, 2015 at 1:26 PM||comments ()|
5 Valentines Tips That Are Free and Fun
As we say goodbye to January, the first month of 2015, I find myself reflecting on the year past and the year that awaits. We are about to embark on the month of February, the Hallmark month of love for all the Valentines lovers, and I'm thinking some love tips would be fun to kick start the 2nd month of the new year off right!
5 Tips for This Valentines that are sure to make your lover "feel" loved and you don't have to spend a dime! As a couples specialist, I hear many couples concerned about spending money of Valentines day, but who says you need to spend money to be romantic ❤!
5 Valentines Tips That Are Free and Fun
1. Write a Love Letter. That's right, a love letter! The old art of romantic intent works wonders for both men and women. Write what you love about him or her, special memories you shared together, and your hopes to create more memories. You can even spice it up by adding something sexy to increase anticipation of intimacy or love making. Write from the heart and you'll steal the show!
2. If you can, re-enact the first way you told your lover how much you loved them or maybe your first kiss. Create the moment and reminisce together! Be in the moment. You can even create a picnic at your favorite outside spot to make it truly memorable. If you want to spend a little, some cheese and wine, and your good to go!
3. Plan a date night in, where you set up a romantic evening for yours truly. Some lit candles, homemade chocolate strawberries, some music you know your partner will enjoy and your golden!
4. Starting at the beginning of Valentines week, on Monday, send your partner off to work each day with a love note that tells them something you love about them each day. By Saturday Feb. 14, the love you adored them with all week will be twinkling in their eyes! Try it out and get creative!
5. Relaxation is so important, especially these days when stress seems to be at an all time high. Put your hands to work and relax yours truly with a massage. Some good oil, candles, music, and maybe even a hot bath with aromatherapy in the air, for after the massage. Relax!
Start planning your Valentines and make it a great one!! A
nd remember, Valentines day, is really everyday!
|Posted on July 17, 2013 at 5:52 PM||comments ()|
Couples Therapy is not "necessarily" about the issues you are having, but rather about what changes you'd like to make in order to ensure that your relationship is going in the direction you both prefer.
Couples Therapy is not about what you "don't want," but rather what you "do want."
Couples Therapy is not about who's "right" and who is "wrong," it is about respect for differences, awareness, and growth.
Couples Therapy is not about what you think is wrong with your partner and or fixing your partner, but how you both can become better together, using your strengths as a means to maintain a change that sustains a lifetime.
Couples Therapy is not about criticizing, defensiveness, stone walling, or contempt, it is about minimizing those interactions to the best of your ability, gaining awareness together, and improving your communication.
Couples Therapy "is" about you, your partner, your experiences with life, your unique perspectives, your patterns of interaction, your strengths individually and as a couple, and your ability to reflect...to become more aware of your relational dynamics and your part in it.
Couples Therapy is about connection, vulnerability, and the desired changes you wish to make in your lives.
Life can be stressful. The daily stressors of making a living, managing the relationships in your life, and staying in alignment with yourself can be challenging and often takes a toll on your relationships ability to sustain itself over long periods of time. Monogamy truly is a work in progress that needs to be tended carefully, like a gardener tends to their flowers.
Inner calmness also known as peace of mind, is possible, however it is a daily practice. It's never surprising to me that couples often experience frustration, lack of desire, and overall exhaustion at times, given that life certainly has the ability to get the best of us at times.
However, making the choice to go to couples therapy is exactly what is necessary to ensure a lifetime of love, happiness, and joy when things are not working out as planned. Painfully, couples that are having difficulty often wait to long before coming to couples therapy, when all they need is a few sessions to help put things back into alignment with their relationship goals and preferences.
Your relationship does not need to be on the brink of dissolution in order to enjoy a therapeutic couples session together. If you or any of your friends or family could use a few sessions, I offer Couples Booster Sessions for those couples who are experiencing mild to medium issues and just want a "relationship spring cleaning." For those couples experiencing medium to severe relationship discomfort, I offer Couples Intensives and Private Couples Retreats.
I am a brief therapist, so typically my clients feel relieved after about 3 or 4 sessions. Usually it takes about 1 to 3 months, of attending therapy once a week, so it is not a long term investment of time or finances in order to get what you deserve out of your relationship.
Couples Therapy is "SMART!"
|Posted on June 3, 2013 at 3:53 PM||comments ()|
Inspiration for today's blog: "Fall in Love Everyday"
So, I got to thinking about the quote "fall in love everyday" and I began to wonder about it's meaning. My initial thoughts were about "being present" so that you can allow yourself to admire your partner and "fall in love everyday." But then I started to sink into the reality that appreciation for one's self and partner can be challenging in the face of daily stressors. Most of the couples I speak with make statements of feeling "too tired, too stressed, too not in the mood."
So these are my recommendations for "staying present and falling in love everyday."
If you are of the belief that in order to "fall in love" you must first love yourself, then you will like this blog. According to Bowen Theory, human beings spend a substantial amount of time pulling for either "togetherness" and or "individuality" and depending on the amount of stressors in ones life, the pull for either could be substantially profound.
With that being said: My suggestion is to "focus on falling in love with yourself" (pull for individuality) each day. It could be finding something that you love or admire about yourself or maybe it's just some "alone time," which can be in the form of exercising, shopping, meditation, walking on the beach etc. If you can't find anything, than it's likely your not finding a substantial amount of gratitude going in the direction of your partner. You see, I believe that with "filling yourself up daily" actually effects the relationships "positive sentiment override" (Dr. John Gottman).
Positive sentiment override is 5 admiration/postitive statements to every 1 request for change/negative comment. Dr. John Gottman did research on happily married couples and can actually predict divorce by a 95% chance. His research suggests that the Happily Married Couples admire their partners 5 times more than they do not. My bet is that those couples are really good at "filling themselves up" before attending to their partners needs, wants, and desires.
Without positive regard towards our partners, the acknowledgment starts to diminish over time. It starts to chip away at the belief of admiration and acknowledgement that both you and your partner need to sustain a lifetime of "falling in love everyday."
If you find yourself reading this and need therapeutic services, please contact me anytime. 754-245-1424 - CouplesSeekingSolutions.comRedHotRomanceRetreats.com