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Couples Seeking Solutions Blog


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Falling in Love Everyday

Posted on June 3, 2013 at 3:53 PM Comments comments (137)
Inspiration for today's blog: "Fall in Love Everyday"
So, I got to thinking about the quote "fall in love everyday" and I began to wonder about it's meaning. My initial thoughts were about "being present" so that you can allow yourself to admire your partner and "fall in love everyday." But then I started to sink into the reality that appreciation for one's self and partner can be challenging in the face of daily stressors. Most of the couples I speak with make statements of feeling "too tired, too stressed, too not in the mood."  
So these are my recommendations for "staying present and falling in love everyday." 
If you are of the belief that in order to "fall in love" you must first love yourself, then you will like this blog. According to Bowen Theory, human beings spend a substantial amount of time pulling for either "togetherness" and or "individuality" and  depending on the amount of stressors in ones life, the pull for either could be substantially profound.
With that being said: My suggestion is to "focus on falling in love with yourself" (pull for individuality) each day. It could be finding something that you love or admire about yourself or maybe it's just some "alone time," which can be in the form of exercising, shopping, meditation, walking on the beach etc. If you can't find anything, than it's likely your not finding a substantial amount of gratitude going in the direction of your partner. You see, I believe that with "filling yourself up daily" actually effects the relationships "positive sentiment override" (Dr. John Gottman).
Positive sentiment override is 5  admiration/postitive statements to every 1 request for change/negative comment. Dr. John Gottman did research on happily married couples and can actually predict divorce by a 95% chance. His research suggests that the Happily Married Couples admire their partners 5 times more than they do not. My bet is that those couples are really good at "filling themselves up" before attending to their partners needs, wants, and desires.
Without positive regard towards our partners, the acknowledgment  starts to diminish over time. It starts to chip away at the belief of admiration and acknowledgement that both you and your partner need to sustain a lifetime of "falling in love everyday."
If you find yourself reading this and need therapeutic services, please contact me anytime. 754-245-1424 -