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Couples Seeking Solutions Blog


"Stop Trying to Fix Yourself, Your Not Broken"

Posted on February 2, 2015 at 12:27 PM
"Stop trying to fix yourself, your not broken!"

Learning how to love yourself is difficult for many. I'm not talking about the "I think I'm hot" kind of loving yourself. I'm talking about learning how to love yourself, despite your flaws, kind of love.

Many struggle with this and believe they can be #Perfect. I find that is such a tall order to fill, mostly because its impossible. I mean, who's perfect?

Let me be clear, there's nothing wrong with "striving for perfection," but its when it defines your ability to feel or be "good enough" that perfection ideals can get in the way.

Day after day, we strive as a culture for this impossible perfection; loving ourselves with #conditions, self #criticism, and sometimes self #hate.This cycle creates stress and often times intense anxiety!

I've witnessed this narrative over and over again in my practice. I'm sure you heard of the saying "loving yourself is an inside job" and as a couples specialist, I couldn't agree more.

I see how often the desire to be perfect gets in the way for couples, as the expectations of perfection are just too high. When one or both partners believe or try to attain perfection, they almost always are disappointed with themselves or their partners. criticism can get in the way for these couples.
Whether they are striving to be the perfect: "good wife," the "perfect provider," the "perfect body," the "perfect lover"... The list of comparisons go on and little have to do with love. It has more to do with approval, which is one way we get love, but the depth is surface.

Without awareness of how ideals of "perfection" affect your relationship with yourself or your loved one, perfection can become the blocker of true unconditional regard. It will affect both of you. The depth of your love is blocked with these ideals of perfection.

Let it go. Be you. You are divine. And so is your partner.

Many people, including myself, at some point in our lives go through this transition of not feeling "good enough" to moving towards a more "unconditional love" with yourself and others.

Making this shift allows for the growth and compassion needed to unconditionally love and work with others more fluidly. Many notice they have more flexibility in their interactions with everyone. 

The way we love ourselves is how we love others!
Work On It.
Its a daily practice.

Categories: couples